Surrender: A Sacrifice of Worth

Surrender: common examples may include "surrendering" one's time to help another or "surrendering" a day to devote to worshipping and serving the Lord God solely. But surrendering that which is important and most intimate to me is extremely difficult for me to do...Corrie Ten Boom once wrote,

"Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open."


That which is not surrendered is the very thing that God wants from me. Submitting to Him and offering that which we would hold most dear is a sacrifice that actually holds worth.
Submission is key: Someone submitted so that I could be saved. Humility and submission are always good, and they always bring blessing (though sometimes not immediate, and not always in the way we'd expect). God Himself became a Man (Who Himself was the royal One, majestic and holy) and was rediculed, mocked, and tortured by His own creations...all the while completely and wholly surrendered to the Father's will.

"The fair petals must fall, and for no viable reason. No one seems enriched by the stripping.
And the first step into the realm of giving is like surrender - not manward but Godward: an utter yielding of our best. So long as our idea of surrender is limited to the renouncing of unlawful things, we have never grasped its true meaning: THAT is not worthy of the name, for "no polluted thing" can be offered.
The life lost on the Cross was not a sinful one - the treasure poured forth there was a God-given, God-blessed treasure, lawful and right to be kept: only that there was the life of the world at stake." Lilas Trotter, "Parables of the Cross"


This was the most costly sacrifice, but surrender is a sacrifice of worth, a sweet aroma to the Lord.

Romans 8:32 says, "He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?"

He gives all. He asks all.

I've noticed lately that a lot of conversations with my classmates have began with, "So, I decided..."
...and continue with such phrases as...
"...to just go ahead and try this..."
"...to wait and see..."
"...to stop allowing myself to be stressed..."
"...to stop caring what others think..."
And while there's nothing inherently wrong with any of those phrases, I always end up disappointed. Why? Because all of these phrases are centered around ME. "I this, I that". Truly nothing in my life is any longer about me.
Even my salvation is totally and completely of God, totally through Christ's finished work at the Cross, and not at all of myself. So rather than keeping all of these conversations so "me-centered", they need to be Christ-centered.
I have to give up this sense of self-sufficiency that somehow I'll make it work, when I won't. I'll never be good enough...and that's the point!
And so, I was thinking of this song that transfers the thought that "I'm doing" into actively following the One Who is doing, has done, and will do.
"I have decided to follow Jesus... no turning back...though none go with me, still I will follow...no turning back...the world behind me, the Cross before me...no turning back."
He Who has begun a good work in you WILL COMPLETE IT! Not of us, all of Him.

Sharing

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Joy...it's contagious! That's something I'm learning a lot lately. The young ladies I'm privileged to nanny have learned quickly that complaining and grumbling are not behaviors I tolerate, and yet I still haven't learned that lesson! Anyway, joy is contagious though--joy founded in Christ, that kind that supersedes our present circumstances and reminds us of the Morning...fresh, bright, new! Joy in Christ!
This is something I'm learning, and I'm loving seeing how God carries me through every single moment.
To "share" some of my joy with those reading, here are some pictures that I think speak a lot more than my words can. :-)
J-O-Y, J-O-Y, joy instead of sorrow,
Cling to J-E-S-U-S, joy will surely follow!

[im]perfect

Read an article by Andrew Peterson today (one of my favorite modern-day Christian singer/songwriters). Here's a little tidbit:

Jesus is making us into something. C. S. Lewis wrote that God is making us into “little Christs.” We all ache for the day when we’ll be free of our sins, our bad habits, our bitterness, the things about us that we think ugly or undesirable. But perhaps the road of sanctification will be an easier one when we recognize in ourselves the sin of self-consciousness, the sin of reputation management, the sin of lying to ourselves. To live our lives with a pretense of self-sufficiency, strength, and have-it-togetherness is to diminish the visible work of God’s grace. One of your greatest blessings to the community around you may be your utter brokenness, it may be something about yourself that you loathe, but which Christ will use for his glory. When Jesus is Lord of our brokenness we are free to rejoice in the mighty work he has yet to do in us. We are free to enter the stage in the face of the devil’s accusation, “You’re not good enough.”
The Christian’s answer: “Exactly!”
And we dance.

Scary

Do you ever scare yourself?
Allow me to put it this way, Do you ever shudder at realizing your own true motives, jealousy, pride, selfishness, etc.? Such is an accurate description of the conviction going on "in" and "around" me.
Isn't it amazing, though, that the Most High God already knew I would have these moments, of getting just a little glimpse of my sinfulness, and He still loves me anyway and determined before the foundation of the earth to pursue our hearts...to pursue MY heart?!
Questions/thoughts that swirl around and the answers get muddled when the world answers them with lies, I have to combat them with the TRUTH:
"Am I ever going to be enough?" Actually no, but Christ is enough! And I'll only be complete if I'm resting in Him.
"Others could do so much better...why would I be wanted?" God sees me as beautiful and went to the point of living for, dying for, and coming again for me! He has put every member of His Church where He wants.
"He/she is so much sweeter, Godly, pure, etc." God wants MY heart, affection, time, energy. This has nothing to do with how others look on the outside...it's not about your poetic lines, letters, stupid (pardon my language) pictures of reading your Bible on instagram, or anything else that makes you look "good". You're not. I AM is good. And if I can't find anything wrong with someone, then wonderful! Stop searching for flaws, but know that no one is perfect, and we all struggle in different ways.
All this is to say that...I'm glad God saves sinners like me! Redeemed!

He's coming back to take me home!

Thankful

...I notice that when I'm consistently in the Word and in prayer, I become much more thankful for... well...everything! Thankful for the trials, thankful for what I KNOW they will produce in me, thankful that God is patient and merciful when I choose to sin or wallow after falling, thankful for Him never giving up on me. So thankful for encouragement from saints, meeting new people who help you see different aspects about God (a brother I met recently commented during a conversation of ours, "Isn't it amazing, that our great High Priest is praying for us right NOW? That He loves us that much!"). And incredibly thankful for the blessing of family. 
I am so thankful for the new addition to our family in the way of a future brother-in-law. My dear sister will be well loved and protected in the arms of this quiet man of God. "Outgoing" or "loud" would probably be the last words with which I would describe him, but the Lord alone has brought him to the point of salvation and now, simply living his life for the glory of God. It's the little things...love is not some boisterous outburst of feelings, but everyday simple obedience, humility, and action. That is, after all, how the Lord Jesus Christ demonstrated His love.
Melissa and Tim asked me to take some engagement pictures as they were running low on time. It was (IS!) a privilege to be a part of the preparation of their wedding. Plans for nuptuals are around May 18th...looking forward to a celebration of them and those close to them.

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"TRUST in the LORD with ALL thy heart, and LEAN NOT on YOUR OWN understanding. In ALL thy ways ACKNOWLEDGE HIM and HE WILL make your paths straight" -Proverbs 3:5-6.

A Compilation of Quotes

As I read, I try to always have a pen on hand to write down thoughts or mark quotes that I enjoy. I'm about halfway through the Fellowship of the Ring (the first book in the Lord of the Rings series), and here are some of my favorite quotes. Grab a cup of coffee or tea, and join me! Loyalty, comradare, hope, faith, love, purpose, and courage are such prominent themes in these books that have only become more dear to me as time goes on.

'I am deeply grateful,' said Frodo; 'but I wish you would tell me plainly what the Black Riders are. If I take your advice I may not see Gandalf for a long while, and I ought to know what is the danger that pursues me.'
'Is it not enough to know that they are servants of the Enemy?' answered Gildor. 'Flee them! Speak no words to them! They are deadly. Ask no more of me! But my heart forbodes that, ere all is ended, you, Frodo son of Drogo, will know more of these fell things than Gildor Inglorion. May Elbereth protect you!'
'But where shall I find courage?' asked Frodo. 'That is what I chiefly need.'
'Courage is found in unlikely places,' said Gildor. 'Be of good hope! Sleep now!...' (Frodo and Gildor)
. . .
'It is going to be very dangerous, Sam. It is already dangerous. Most likely neither of us will come back.'
'If you don't come back, sir, then I shan't, that's certain,' said Sam. 'Don't you leave him! they said to me. Leave him! I said. I never mean to. I am going with him, if he climbs to the Moon; and if any of those Black Riders try to stop him, theyll have Sam Gamgee to reckon with, I said. They laughed.' (Frodo and Sam)
. . .
'Do you feel any need to leave the Shire now--now that your wish to see [the Elves] has come true already?' he asked.
'Yes, sir. I don't know how to say it, but after last night I feel diferent. I seem to see ahead, in a kind of way. I know we are going to take a very long road, into darkness; but I know I can't turn back. It isn't to see Elves now, nor dragons, nor mountains, that I want--I don't rightly know what I want: but I have something to do before the end, and it lies ahead, not in the Shire. I must see it through, sir, if you understand me.'
'I don't altogether. But I understand that Gandalf chose me a good companion. I am content. We will go together.' (Sam and Frodo)
. . .
'You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin--to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours--closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo. Anyway: there it is. We know most of what Gandalf has told you. We know a good deal about the Ring. We are horribly afraid--but we are coming with you; or following you like hounds.' (Merry)
. . .
He fell silent again; but Frodo could not help asking one more question: the one he most desired to have answered. 'Tell us, Master,' he said, 'about the Willow-Man. What is he? I have never heard of him before.'
'No, don't!' said Merry and Pippin together, sitting suddenly upright. 'Not now! Not until the morning!'
'That is right!' said the old man. 'Now is the time for resting. Some things are ill to hear when the world is in shadow. Sleep till the morning light, rest on the pillow! Heed no nightly noise! Fear no grey willow!' And with that he took down the lamp and blew it out, and grasping a candle in either hand he led them out of the room. (Frodo and Tom Bombadil)
. . .
But either in his dreams or out of them, he could not tell which, Frodo heard a sweet singing running in his mind: a song that seemed to come like a pale light behind a grey rain-curtain, and growing stronger to turn the veil all to glass and silver, until at last it was rolled back, and a far green country opened before him under a swift sunrise.
. . .
...There is a seed of courage hidden (often deeply, it is true) in the heart of the fattest and most timid hobbit, waiting for some final and desperate danger to make it grow. Frodo was neither very fat nor very timid; indeed, though he did not know it, Bilbo (and Gandalf) had thought him the best hobbit in the Shire. He thought he had come to the end of his adventure, and a terrible end, but the thought hardened him. He found himself stiffening, as if for a final spring; he no longer felt limp like a helpless prey.
 As he lay there, thinking and getting a hold on himself, he noticed all at once that the darkness was slowly giving way: a pale greenish light was growing round him. ... The night was railing against the morning of which it was bereaved, and the cold was cursing the warmth for which it hungered... But the courage that had been awakened in him was now too strong: he could not leave his friends so easily.
. . .
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not whither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

Looking back Looking forward

Sometimes I'll look back in my journal and can't believe that I wrote something...mainly because I've strayed so far from what my mindset was at that point. I came across this poem of mine that I wrote when I had this realization of surrender and obedience that must happen in order for revival to begin in my heart and life...it was a beautiful time, and I look back on the past number of months with so much regret. Filled with anger and bitterness, jealousy and pride, but I know that God has not abandoned me. He does all things well. I can look to the future with hope instead of fear and sadness.
Lord, please create in me the heart that I had when I wrote this...

Love is never simple,
And yet it is not vain.
It's not meant to be temporary
Nor fit into a span.

For 'tis a concept
Not fit for time,
Though it has stepped
Into your life and mine.

Love is never simple.
It comes at a cost.
And we shall never know it,
Until all is lost.

It is not, unless Someone pays,
For 'tis more costly
Than we can ever pay.
Jesus knew, and bore it softly.

Here's My Rest:

My rest is in heaven,
my rest is not here,
Then why should I murmur
when trials are near?
Be hushed, my sad spirit;
the worst that can come
But shortens the journey
and hastens me home.

It is not for me
to be seeking my bliss,
And building my hopes
in a region like this;
I look for a city
which hands have not piled,
I pant for a country
by sin undefiled.

The winds of affliction
around me may blow,
And dash my lone barque
as I’m sailing below;
I smile at the storm
as I lean on His breast,
And soon I shall land
in the haven of rest.

The thorn and the thistle
around us may grow—
We would not lie down,
e'en on roses below:
We ask not our portion,
we seek not a rest,
Till in glory for ever
with Christ we are blest.

Let trial and danger
my progress oppose,
They only make heaven
more sweet at the close;
Come joy or come sorrow,
Whate’er may befall,
A home with my God
will make up for it all.

With Christ in my heart,
and His Word in my hand,
I travel in haste
through an enemy’s land;
The road may be rough,
but it cannot be long,
So I journey on singing
the conqueror’s song.

Posterous theme by Cory Watilo