Deserving of thought...

I'm borrowing this thought from William MacDonald's little collection of thoughts on modern education called, "Grasping for Shadows". Haven't read it for a while, but oh, does it challenge me!

Everyday, all around us, we're told to accumulate. Accumulate degrees, wealth, a good job, stuff, stuff, stuff. But Christ tells us to forsake all (Luke 14:33).
We're told that it isn't acceptable to be poor; Jesus said, "Blessed be the poor..." (Luke 6:20)
We're told to stay home and make good. The Lord tells us to "go...into all the world and preach the Gospel." (Mark 16:15)
We're told to provide ourselves/be provided with security on earth. The Savior tells us to lay up treasure in heaven. (Matthew 6:20)
We try to live for two worlds. Jesus says it can't be done. (Luke 16:13)
We walk by sight. The Word tells us to walk be faith. (2 Cor. 5:7)

Even when taking the path that seems "lower" or "less significant", I find myself with this "holier-than-thou" attitude, because in my diluted mind I think that somehow I am being more spiritual. God, break me so that the only path I tread is the one in which You pave each step of the way.

...is me

I'm the girl who will persist in her path,
I'm the girl who will make you laugh.
I'm the girl who strives to be open,
I'm the girl who's been heartbroken.

I'm the girl who's been on her own
And I'm the girl who's felt alone.
I'm the girl who holds your hand
And I'm the girl who wants you to stand up and be a man.

I'm the girl who tries to make things better
I'm the girl who's the dorkiest person ever.
I'm the girl who's lost more than she's won
I'm the girl who's turned but never spun.

I'm the girl you couldn't see.
I'm that girl.
And that girl is me.

And God sees me when I feel alone and invisible, reminding me that He thinks I'm beautiful and His own. He will always pursue me, He will always protect me (even when I don't protect myself), and He's carrying me, holding my hand. He knows that I can't do it alone. He sees my sin, and loves me still. Jesus died to give me a right standing. He is amazing. He grace overwhelmes me, and His truth stands when I'm not sure. He is my Savior, and my Savior loves me.

Selfish

This world is not all about me. No, it's not even about anyone reading either. I often lose this perspective and love becomes so self-centered, so me-focused, that is really isn't love at all.

Love is never simple, because true love is unconditional. This means, you don't have to "do X and Y" in order for me to love you...as a person, I don't often operate like that. We things as action, reaction, or "stimulus, response, and reinforcement" (this is Skinner's behavioral model that SLPs stick to at all costs). Not so with real love. No stimulus or response needed, just "I love you, so I will do what is best for you. I will love you when you don't love me back". This is how God loves us, this is how He sees us, not as humans constantly prone to messing things up again and again, but as His creations that He has CHOSEN to LOVE! Unconditionally!

Love is shown through actions that stem from a well-watered heart. Heart watered with what? The Word of God! The kind of love that we ought to show to one another is not natural (just as submission and SURRENDER aren't usual or our first choice), so we our source has to be SUPERNATURAL. And the Lord Jesus Christ gives us that unnatural, that supernatural, ability to love as we ought.

Even when that love means sacrifice.

That's how He showed His love, after all. It has gone unnoticed by many, His sacrifice, which is why He knows so much greater than anyone else that concept of unrequited love when I feel like no one could ever understand. He does. And I can never understand the depths of agony that He went through for me.

We love Him because He first loved us. Now that is love. Expecting nothing in return. Love.

A Different Perspective

Let me begin by saying that I am odd, and somewhat outlandish. I make no attempt to deny this, but rather accept it wholeheartedly. Here are some thoughts that were spurred by a conversation I had with a dear saint today, and have been running through my mind for quite a while. I'd say it's a "new" perspective, but it really isn't, rather an old perspective that has been buried over and muffled for the past few decades. It's about that crazy little thing called love.
I pray that the things I say are acceptable in the sight of my Savior, and are not taken as offensive, but rather as a source of encouragement to others who may think the same way I do. :-)

Love is never simple.


Now, love is not a feeling in your chest,
It is bending down to wash another’s feet.
It is faithful when the sun is in the west
And in the east.
It can hurt you as it holds you
In its overwhelming flood
Till only the unshakeable is left.

Love is not some diamond ring, it is not words of flattery, it is not feelings of excitement. It is not what glitters, what seems "wonderful", and it is not boastful. True love does not trample over people, it does not make others feel small, it does not exalt itself. It doesn't parade itself. And what do we see today? Especially, sadly enough, amongst followers of Christ? They find themselves enraptured, entralled, totally consumed with it. Weddings are about "the ring" (which I am so fond of because it reminds one of the commitment made, but it's just about how "big" it is now), the pictures (which should remind oneself of the covenants made, but instead are instant flashes into the internet to everyone who wants to know...and the people who don't, too :-)), "the dress" (which ought to be pure and modest, like Christ's bride, but instead are flamboyant and revealing), and just the whole event in general. And yet, I'm sure that at most of these good Christian weddings 1 Corinthians 13 will be read...Does not parade itself? Is not boastful? Doesn't insist on its own way? 
Weddings are not marriages. Let's face it. Weddings are the first moment in a marriage, a sort of nice "prelude" to a marriage, but not the marriage itself. I realize that I am just ranting now, but what happened here? What happened to just 25 years ago, when my parents got married in a meager ceremony, helped by their nearest and dearest, my mom wearing a beautifully modest gown, and both my parents exchanging simple wedding bands (and no, there was no engagement ring *gasp*). What if we learned to be thankful again, for the simple things?

Love isn't a concept fit for what we know as time. God's love transcends time.

What if we remember that weddings and marriages are not fully centered around love? I know, I'm sure I sound crazy. But there is so much more! Entwined is this beautiful truth of headship, order, respect, provision, and yes, love.
I am so sad over how the term is over-used nowadays, trampled on, never followed by any sort of commitment or faithfulness. It loses all of it's BANG, all of the beauty that it should entail. The proverbial "magic" is lost. (A slight reference here to a certain kind of "magic"...a longstanding inside joke between a friend and myself)

I am by no means well versed in all of this, but when I look at what the Bible says, I see that I have been willfully deceived. Dissollusioned. And I see how I fall short.
Love is bending low. But more importantly, a relationship often doesn't start with feelings of love. It starts with respect and obedience. This is where I fall so very short. I'm a "go-getter". But this proves to be problematic in terms of relationships, because I am tempted (and much to my shame, I often do) to initiate. Rather than waiting on God's timing and realizing that I don't need a man to make me complete, I pursue it anyways.

Wrong.

If God ever chooses to give me a husband, it will be one who pursues me and who I will learn to respect and love, who will provide, protect, and lead. Is this not how God has shown His love toward us? He pursued us, demonstrated the depth of love He had by sacrifice, and He has "proposed". I have accepted His proposal, and am learning to love and respect Him, and while I am looking forward to that wedding day between Him and the Church, I do not have to wait until then to experience a wonderful relationship with Him. He provides for me, protects me, and leads me along.


"Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]." -1 Cor. 13:4-8a

Unknown to Me...

...yet known to Him!
He knows what path will bring Him the most glory, and whither shall I go from here until there. Until then, shall I restlessly complain that I must drudge along here below? Surely not, for even the smallest of things are precious to the One Who truly cares. Even so, come Lord Jesus!

"Do not trouble your hearts overmuch with thought of the road tonight. Maybe the paths that you each shall tread are already laid before your feet, though you do not see them." -Galadriel, The Fellowship of the Ring, Tolkien

Overnight

So, you've handed in your resignation,
contemplating why nothing turns out right.
A little fed up with all the disappointments,
so what's the point in wasting any time?

It's only temporary, so what's your hurry?
No need to worry. Don't you know that...

If it all just happened overnight,
you wouldn't know how much it means
If it all just happened overnight,
you would never learn to believe
in what you cannot see.

I feel like pace is at a standstill.
Do I wait till it falls into my hands?
A long highway ahead, getting started.
Steady hearted, is what I think I am.

There's something to be said for experience.
Who knows what's ahead. Keep on going.


Take it a day, a day at a time
One foot in front of the other,
No need to hurry,
It won't happen over night.
It won't happen over night.

Have a little faith,
Must appreciate,
Every single day,
Don't give up, no.

Perseverance

“[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Cor. 13:7)

If I really love someone, it ought to be manifested in action, not just flowery words. Do I protect those I love? Trust? Hope in Christ working in him/her? Persevere even the hardest difficulty?

Come Clean

How did I get here standing in a mess that I have made?

Little by little adding to the chaos everyday

I know it's time, it's time to come clean

I know it's time, it's time to come clean

 

Boxes full of things I've shuffled and shifted place to place

All the years of me, everything I want to keep and throw away

I know it's time, it's time to come clean

I know it's time, it's time to come clean

 

I empty out the pieces

And I put them where they go

 

But where do they go?

Where do they go?

Does anything in me know?

Where do they go?

 

I'm finding what I've covered and holding it up to the morning light

I'm opening my life a little at a time and it's all right

'Cause it takes time, it takes time to come clean

Yeah, and I know it's time, it's time to come clean

 

I'm picking up the pieces

And I put them where they go

 

But where do they go?

Where do they go?

Does anything in me know?

Where do they go?

 

Because I need to know

Just where do they go? Where do they go?

I've got to know just where do they go?

Where do they go? Will I ever know?

Where to begin with this?

 

Well, a number of weeks ago I had written up some notes and mullings-over on faith and the like. Much to my dismay, when I went to post them an “error” screen showed up and thus the notes were lost. Face turned hot, blood pressure rose, and I stare motionless at the object of my newfound frustration. “Those notes took me two hours to write! Arg!” This was followed by me baking cookies and walking a few miles…my domesticated way of doing things (though everything inside of me longed to bust out some Tae-Kwon-Do moves on my laptop, and some pillows, and goodness, anything in my way!).

I am certain God created ironies, for this was one of them. After writing out all of these notes about getting rid of useless garbage, stop following my feelings or other peoples’ opinions and walking by faith, the Lord allows the notes to be taken away, and I…pray? Nope. Thank God for showing me they didn’t need to be posted at the time? Nay. Be still and trust Him? No.

Quite frankly, I was ticked.

This has been happening much more than usual for me lately…getting upset at little things, taking note of wrong-doings, and the like. Why?! Because I’m responding out of bitterness.

Every day, something new comes up. Just when I think I’ve surrendered something to my Father, He shows me that not quite all of it is done. This is going to be a slow and painful process. This bitterness comes from a deep-seeded disappointment, as I’d let myself trust and hope in something that was so very far out of my control. I know that I was hoping in the wrong person because when I hope in Christ, I will never be disappointed. So who is the object of my embitterment, really?

A dear friend of mine had asked me at least a month or so ago, “Are you angry at God at all for all of this?” to which I promptly replied, “No, of course not! That is…no, not at all.”

I lied.

The very God Who led me into this suffering is also the only One Who can sympathize with my isolation and estrangement. Talking to a friend the other day who is normally such an encouragement in Christ, I just felt even more alone and that no one could possibly understand what I am going through. Truth is, no one on this earth is going to be able to understand what I’m going through.

Rather than being angry at God, I have to let go of all of this because He’s the only One Who can possibly carry me through.

A lot of me doesn’t want to come clean, to surrender all, because I’m afraid that this will mean the end of what I have thought to be the Lord’s will for me for a few years. This is the most delicate, intimate, most precious thing to me, and yet…I don’t trust God with it?

Of course I can offer those things like getting a bad grade, a bad day, but those good things? My closest friendships? Most intimate relationships? Surely I can keep them to myself, right? No, surely not. They must be poured out as an offering before the God Who gave those good things to me in the first place.

The same God Who brought me in will most assuredly lead me out!

Those who walk by faith will never be disappointed. Obedience to God is always right. Jesus loves me. He will never fail me. These things I know, and with this I must leave everything.

Posterous theme by Cory Watilo